“I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord.”
So when I woke up this morning there was a weird sensation in my stomach. As I described it to Collin, “I felt uneasy about something and I am just not sure what…”
After a time of prayer and genuine reflection, I realized something. I am homesick. Lately there’s been a surplus of things that I’ve had to “miss out on” back in the States. It’s hard to sit helplessly in Africa so far from all of your friends knowing that you don’t get to be at that dinner party, a part of that wedding, a date to that event, so on and so forth. I haven’t really felt homesick since I’ve been here. I’ve been so filled with excitement and drive to serve that I haven’t really spent time reflecting on what I’m missing out on back home. It’s a powerful loneliness.
Then I realized, I think that’s part of why I feel so called to missions. The life of a missionary requires such a hard sacrifice. You have to devote your life to serving the Lord in a place foreign to your comfort zone. There’s something so raw and beautiful about being forced to place all of your relationships, materials, and comfort in God’s hands and saying “You are my perfect Father and I trust you. Guide me where you want me.”
To me, a lot of the beauty of missions is the pain. Giving up so much and leaping into His arms. That’s why waking up this morning with a rock in the pit of my stomach was one of the best gifts He’s ever given me. It helped me know that I’m not coming over to Tanzania and just having a good time. I’m making a sacrifice and fighting this pain, which is something that I’ve always thought to be a requirement of a missionary. They have to love the nations but they also have to love home, because if they aren’t giving up anything to serve, then where is the sacrifice for Him?
Today I am thankful for the things that I’m missing out on back home. I am grateful for the fact that I’m not there on that dance floor, at that dinner table, and being that function date… and I’m even more grateful that it hurts. I just can’t believe that I’m the one who he chose to let feel this pain. This is a beautiful sacrifice.
And I absolutely can’t wait to spend my whole life sacrificing for Him, because He is worth it.
Yours Truly
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